March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 March 2008

you know watching you guys do your thing wasn't an easy job. i mean, because when i am watching you all representing that group i am so proud of, participating actively, cheering as if you all won the race and the teamwork, passion to win and the attitude that was presented in front of everyone, there was just this massive influx of pride and honour filling every space inside of me. as one team and another walk off the stage with their wonderful performance, i was wondering would you all be the most outstanding team compared to the rest? and each time the team number elapses from 1 to 5, that adrenaline that was rushing in me was being trigger each time it gets closer to team 5. the feeling i have can't be described. it's so hard to explain that excitement that's within me especially when the whole process of waiting to see you all up on stage was at a slow-killing pace. i don't know what made me felt such a way for JJ even though i am not a JJcian already. maybe it's those familliar faces that i saw made me feel so. remembering each and every moment, impression and experiences that i once had.
JJ! i am so proud to see you guys actually made it to the second round. I hope ultimately you all would win the contest. rock on..

and yes.. school's reopening in like 4 days? and that also mean 1 week after school reopens, it's exams and i am gonna miss events like JJ Student Councilors' Investiture, where i could see my beloved friends once again. the plan is, this last week of holidays would be like for me to study for my coming mid year exams. so far so good, been doing fine but can't really get that momentum to carry on each time i stop and take a break. I feel so lazy to get myself in front of those lecture notes again, it's like a task which is a pain in the ass. no choice. this is what i chose to take on and i am gonna train myself for the system that i am gonna be in next year. a system where SDSM- Self Discpline, Self Motivation, perhaps spells it all.

and you, seek refuge in someone when you need to hide or get away with thing's that pulling you back from being happy again. be my guest in the bomb shelter of mine. i'll be most willing to make you fly again.

the crutch that you once relied on is still here, for you.

:)

JJ! JJ! gogoGO!

Win this JJ!
i wanna see you again on tv! you guys can do it without a problem right? I'll be in front of the tv and support u guys..

CHANNEL 8 8PM..


it's when the REAL,
excitement starts.

i don't know what similarities or behaviour that i possess that let's you be reminded of him with just a sight of me. and why be immnue to both of us? be immnue to him.. not me. i find it's rather unfair to be immnue to me but i guessed, i'm okay now as it's clear that you don't turn back to me anymore and also because i am now just your confidante :)

from my innermost feeling, i also wanted very much to be like what we are in the past, from the start, from the scratch and formation of our friendship then a confidante of each other through the all the laughter and joy brought about through orientation 02 and all the msn chats.. remember?
and you need not get yourself immune to me. i know and i'll be automatic.trust me okay? i know you will. haha.. putting words into your mouth again..
and i feel more comfortable to be in the place back in the past rather than be with what i'm left with to polish or to turn back. these, it would be kept in the deepest part of me and perhaps, i'll never present these in front of you anymore. maybe there would be times that i'll pull that cover off, but not always.

It feels wierld to be stony and never let go,
It only gets harder the more i mould,
When you get lonely if no one's around,
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down.
We came together but you left alone
And you know how it feels like to see you walk out on your own?
Maybe someday we shall see each other again,
And would you look me in my eyes and call me,

your friend?

It's that smile on us again, that makes our friendship distinct.

3:53 PM

everyone is updating their most prestige blog about their current events, thoughts. but, i find that i'm an outcast. though having a blog, but i am not updating it frequent enough- i think i broke my personal 6 day blog-stagnant record. haha :) mainly because i'm lazy. LAZY enough to face and endure crashes, hangs..

it's good to at least, take a break out there, leaving some time to go out and socialise rather than staying at home, blogging and stuff.. it takes me off the emotional hook when i feel so alone. no doubt on that, because human beings are the only living thing that knows that he is alone. this is not a law, but just a statement out of me, you guys might not agree to it. haha :)

for the past few days, i have been appearing at town areas either with my aunt or family. haha. it all started off with my aunt, having a craze to go for a shopping because some sales is going on. so my brother, cousin and me went with her. actually my aunt thought of buying some clothes for us but instead of that, she bought herself things because we shop in a way like my aunt, she herself go to her ladies corner whereas we boys, go to our corner and look around.

For my brother, cousin and myself, we didn't manage to find anything that suits our likings apart from it, we took up those shades and trying them on, looking into the mirror and trying to act cool and handsome. wanted to buy them but the price of that particular shade that we wanted just dashed all our desires of being owners of them. haha.. but then, we made our trip worthy. we boys, got ourselves busy with the games at the toys area. i was busy playing Fifa World Cup 2006 on a XboX 360 on one of the top levels at C.K. Tang, whereas my cousin and my brother was so engrossed in their somehow pathetic table soccer game because they can't find the ball to play, so they merrily just pulled out one of the stoppers on the table that was big enough to be a ball for them to at least, twist the rods with figures of soccer players hard enough and sweep that rubber stopper into the goal of their opponent's side.
and gosh, we attracted a lot of attention from passer-bys because we seemed like crazy soccer fans, trying to be part of the moment in the happening world cup even though we're not in Germany. haha..
apart from those tired and endless window shopping with my aunt were those moments at crystal jade restaurant @ Takashimaya, standing outside the ladies shop waiting for our aunt to come out and also lots of eye candies walking past us.. ;)

and i still remember i did something offending to one of the polo perfume sales girl. this is what happened:
my brother and i, together with my cousin, we were looking around in C.K.Tangs for a perfume that could be a gift for our beloved daddy. so, we came across polo perfume. we stopped and we browsed their products. one sales girl came forward and asked, " Hi sir, looking for a present for father's day? " I looked at her and nodded. Salesgirl said," let me recommend you this perfume." she took a sample and sprayed perfume on a paper strip for us to smell. the smell was very nice but we find it too strong. later, she asked me, " so sir, what's your budget?" then, i was very crappy at that time and i replied, " 2 dollars!" .
and i tell you, i witnessed the most scariest facial expression in my life. it sent a chill down my spin when i saw that expression on that salesgirl's face. That salesgirl was having this expression that she is gonna blast out swears, curses, saliva, phelgm or whatever stuff that you could think of to bring down a person. when i looked into her eyes, i got this impression that she is gonna scream at me. that was what i saw and felt in just 2 seconds of occurance. then i quickly told the salesgirl, " erm, i think i'll have this(refering to the paper strip)." and we walked off. ever since that moment, my cousin and my brother was constantly reminding me about that incident with this tagline,
" 2 dollars arh.."
lol.. but it was hillarious thinking back on this incident and find myself so notorious to do this to that salesgirl. even till now, that " 2 dollars arh.." tagline still runs through my mind, acting like a laughing stock. LOL. and i think i'm gonna be scoffed at this incident with that tagline forever if my cousin or my brother or my aunt recalls about it.. haha..

and thank you my uncles, aunts and friends for the reminder that this week is the last week of june holidays. and i feel so many imcompletes.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

2:48 AM

please, stop pulling me away from the trying to keep my blog far away from being stagnant and dead. everyday i got a thought to at least add an entry but you are so much of a pain in my ass! always here to stop me from blogging. i hate my computer! it's always crashing, hanging.. arghh- i need a new computer, so badly.

anyway, yesterday was totally not a wasted day. i went for my sec 4 class gathering @ causeway point. Initially, i was on the fence, whether to go for the gathering or not. specifically because causeway point just flood my emotional void with every thought that's running through my mind. because, i recalled the days when i really experienced my heartiest moments of my life. the cinema, bus 900 at the interchange, pasta mania and many more. these eloquent reminders are not all but tip of an iceberg of what i recalled. it just makes me feel so cold and crestfallen.
but hey, the purpose of this gathering was to catch up with my fellowships! eventually, i managed to set aside most but not all of my reluctance. i felt free once again, like a butterfly out of it's cocoon. :)
we eventually went to seoul garden to have our lunch even though there were objections voiced out about it being too expensive. a group of my friends, audery, raf, putera and jayne, sitting at another table beside us was like eating hell lot of meat. everytime i looked at them, it's just meat and nothing else, all over their pan. the sight of those hell loads of meat eaten by them just irks me. there was actually a promise made with myself that i'm not gonna eat chicken because i'm on medication but later on, i took a small piece of coffee chicken in my mouth, which jun wei claims that it was simply delicious. you know, sometimes it's just better to eat whenever you can. haha! and throughout the whole session of lunch at seoul garden, i ate only veggies, fishballs, crabsticks and some nice and juicy boiled prawns. those prawns were so sweet and delicious that i wasn't aware that i actually had 18 of them in my stomach. i got a picture to prove it. wait till i get that picture from gin.. heh ;)
so after that, we decided to catch a movie. we stood at the lobby there like a whole lot of road hawgers. and we're simply indecisive. we didn't come to a point of agreement on what movie to watch and so, the boys went to play arcade and the girls, shopping. then later, we took 960 to bukit panjang plaza macdonalds for a chat. we took lots of pictures and among those photos taken, it consist mostly audery and raf's photo. so, joel came up with his wacky idea: click, drag, delete those photos. it's so lame lah but then, how joel said it made it so funny, making us laugh our asses off all the time without fail. even though when everyone's was tired, he's the only voice that's still there to keep us alive. you rock joel..

i no longer face my back on reality because i've got to move on. i can't be bought down by this even though i know myself that i still would be affected someway or rather just like how he made you felt ambivalent.
i read your archives and i really find that i am the you last time and you're like him. and i am really shocked to come to know that what i feel is actually exactly the same as yours. i think you should know how i feel because you used to be in this position of mine now.
but the fact now is, i really treat you as a friend to me already and not expecting more from you. because i know, it's irritating if i persist, and i fully understand what you wanted. so,
remove those barriers that was built around me, those were not needed anymore. forget the bad impression of me being stubbord and a person who likes to mimick you or put words into your mouth and which you think i don't understand what you really wanted. because all these while the fact is, i know and i understand.

and i think i better get some sleep, because my aunt is gonna knock my door at 10am plus in the morning. gonna be a busy day which i would hardly get to study again.


A Source, Making Individuals Lively Everyday
- A S.M.I.L.E

:)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

3:11 AM

and my computer sucks. it's tempermental. i wanted to post something the past few days but it's so problematic! Arghh! killed all my desire to voice out my life..

gonna throw you out one day.. trampled and disfigured! my comp really sucks.

2:34 AM

i finally could say goodbye to those dusty, 'sneeze-zy' and irritating nights. hardly could get a good rest during the times while packing stuffs around the house. it's like a continuation of a live human torture when you're facing with dust dancing in the air and catches you, irritates you and almost unstoppable. the day before yesterday, i moved into my new home @ bukit panjang! nice and cozy is what i could describe about it. :)

house warming on that day was a great one. we invited relatives to come over and seeing their cornea expanding to it's fullest, it makes me wonder what's running throught their mind. i know one thing. almost all of them are impressed and yes, their eyes almost popped out, describing it in an exaggerated version. :) all of my relatives came except for one of my older cousin. the soon to be mother of 4 children wasn't feeling well.. hey xueling jie jie.. take care man.. and,
dear simon, thank you for forking out part of your time that day, coming to my house warming. you could've spent your day and your time with chendi, weiming and gang for cycling @ east coast. but you chose to come to my house warming. i am deeply thankful for that. you know your presence somehow created some comotions when everyone started to mistaken you as my close friend, instead of your real identity, a teacher. haha.. and yes indeed, you're young although i know that you're in your late twenties, a young bachelor.. haha.. the way you interact with my cousins and family members forged a significant impression in their minds. everyone says that you're a nice person and especially my younger cousins, they commented that you're so fun to play with and their kind of bored when that uno stacko game ended just like that when you're so engrossed into the entertainment show that everyone was watching in the living room.. haha.. and also, i would keep that promise i made.. because that's one of my aims.. you made the day of mine coloured once again.

today went and visited the dentist. i was on high spirits because i finally can feel my teeth again when i run my tongue against the surface of my teeth- i am braces-less!
but on a sad note, i still need to do some repairs before my set of teeth could really be NICE. and it's really funny when my dad is trying his best to negotiate the pricing with the dentist for those repairs. the conversation led the next patient on the que waited for about 15 mins and the doctor and the nurse was getting kind of pissed and impatient over it. initially the doctor was reluctant to consider our suggestion which almost got into a masculine approach. but then, we eventually got what we wanted.. haha..
but hey, i think i am gonna be heavily marked down by the staffs working there next week when i visit them again to collect my retainers.. oops O.O

you know sometimes, you just don't have the courage to face the music because subconciously, you're always thinking about it. simply because it's indelible and so embedded in one. wondering the other party would know about this just makes that extra load of nostalgia more significant behind their backs because the word, fact, is always opposing your wills. a dose of the past is what one needs to relief that rotten feeling that's growing to become frantical. But it all falls back to square when the eloquent reminders, music, photos and perhaps, scent, polishes everything up. reflecting, flooding and supersizing itself in one's mind. especially in the heart.
but the one's who we really feel alot for were often exonerated from all the blames. because, it all started from ourselves. and that's what i think which affected me so much. i can't overcome myself because i didn't want to. some might say, clouding your days with someone that was impossible to turn back to you is totally worthless, but i think, it's all about the hope that we still grab hold of it, so tightly. yes, there are greener patches around us. move along!
but, we would like to stay longer because this is a patch that we spotted feels so much like home and it's special in the sense that it's not green.. it's rainbow, in one's eyes. i'm lacking in emotional expression in words but i hope you get what i meant.

it's a thought, out of my soul.


hate the sin, love the sinner.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

4:25 PM

I am not everything you thought that I would be. But every story I have told is part of me and you keep the air in my lungs. Floating along as a melody comes and my heart beats like timpani drums. Keeping the time while a symphony strums and I'm drying out, crying out. This isn't how I go. I'm just crushed.. under, you.

2:01 PM

paper bags and angry voices, under a sky of dust. there's a constant wave of tension, that's enough to put me up. omg.. spent my time since the start of holiday packing up and moving things to my new home.. withstanding the dust flying arouund and sneezing hard each time the dust got me.. ;( hardly have time to complete my holiday assignment until the last minute.

The me yesterday was in a complete messed up. i felt so lonely suddenly. i went for a swim.. it somehow help a little but mr lonely wasn't away yet. and rara, sorry if i got you wrong. i hope this is the first and last time. actually yesterday i didn't pick up your call is because somehow or rather, i felt that i shouldn't let you hear the saddest part of me.. i broke down. but that was yesterday.

Still a long way to go.. thinking ahead already..


you cleared those images that we used to have. cleared those promises and words said so well.. i feel my echo in your head fading with the flooding of your older memories filling up each and every bit of the space in your head, and heart. give me a little push, i would say i am done for.

words, heart, soul..

gone.

1:48 PM

The truth is tearing up my heart. I can't recognize this place. The endless road without a stop sign. Cant even find a stranger this time. Why am i still holding back my tears? In this loneliness there's nothing to fear. Every chord still seems so wonder how we could be together everytime i ask if this would be the last.. why am i still talking to myself? hoping you will have the keys to my cell.. every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper. how do i get out of this i think i never will... and i see a crystal forming in the eye.. maybe THIS will be the last. the winding path down my face till i begin to taste the bitterness inside..